


Firsts

by flootzavut



Series: Orientation (College and Otherwise) [7]
Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Angst, CUverse, College AU, First Time, Humour, M/M, Romance, Sex, Smut, Stupid college boyfriends, queer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 19:20:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16181531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flootzavut/pseuds/flootzavut
Summary: "Do you ever let amateurs near your cock?"Hawkeye and BJ strike off a couple more 'firsts', and BJ gets in way too deep.





	Firsts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [onekisstotakewithme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/onekisstotakewithme/gifts), [shewho](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shewho/gifts).



* * *

_**Firsts** _

* * *

 

"Do you ever let amateurs near your cock?" BJ asks mid-makeout, when his guard is down and he's feeling braver than usual.

Hawk gives him a quizzical look, like it's taking a while to drag his mind back from the task of slowly undressing BJ. "I... what?"

"I want-" BJ takes a deep breath. "I really want to taste you," he admits, all in a rush.

Hawk blinks at him, then smiles widely. "I'd be a fool to turn that down."

"I mean, I've never-" BJ pulls a face.

He's gotten blowjobs, (and he's gone down on girls), but he's... more than a little nervous about this. Hawkeye has so much  _history_ , no doubt is just as experienced at getting as at giving head. And BJ's not convinced he has any transferable skills; he's scared he'll be bad at it.

Hawk's mouth twitches like he's trying not to laugh. "My God, BJ, you're so cute it hurts me."

BJ has no idea how to respond to that, but Hawk pulls him into another kiss, deep and tender, slides his hands up BJ's back under his shirt, and BJ lets himself be kissed into a needy mess. Then Hawk kisses his way down BJ's jaw to his ear and whispers, "Come to bed."

It's just as well Hawkeye's apartment is tiny, but they still manage to knock several things flying on their way, stumbling and crashing into the coffee table and something else BJ doesn't pause to identify, neither of them willing to stop in order to see where they're going. BJ trips over something, he's not sure what, and pulls Hawk with him as he tumbles laughingly into bed.

They kiss and touch and finish undressing one another, and BJ could get quite lost in it if he weren't so nervous about what he plans to do. His heart is galloping faster and faster as they strip off the last few pieces of clothing, and when they're finally naked, Hawk presses his ear to BJ's sternum.

"Fucking hell, Beej, it's going like an express train."

BJ squirms. "I'm just..."

"Nervous? Scared? It's okay if you are."

"I'm excited!" He pauses. "And... and terrified."

Hawk chuckles and kisses BJ's nipple before looking up. "You're so adorable it's ridiculous," he says, smiling. "You don't have to do this, you know that, right?"

"But I want to!"

"I know." Hawk strokes BJ's cheek and up into his hair. "You are the sweetest man I ever met," Hawk whispers. "I just want to-" He stops abruptly, bites his lip, shakes his head. "You're beautiful, Beej. You're wonderful. And I'd rather have you in my bed than someone else who's done this a hundred times but isn't- isn't you."

BJ gulps. He keeps telling himself not to read more into this than is actually on offer, not to assume he and Hawkeye are on the same page, but it's incredibly hard to remember when Hawk can be so sweet.

It's not all talk. Hawk cares about him, enough to always make sure he has a good time, enough to hold him after, enough to help him with his art, spend time with him, make him laugh. Even if it's no more than friends with benefits, BJ trusts the friendship underpinning it.

It makes his heart ache, though, to wonder what it could be if they were in this for real, if Hawk felt the same way about BJ as BJ's begun to feel about Hawk, if he could convince Hawk that this is... more. That he's worth more to BJ than a casual fling. That what's happening here is special, and could be so much if they would just let it.

They look at each other, and in the dim light it's even more difficult than usual to read Hawk's face. BJ's trying to stop hoping for more, to enjoy what they have, but...

Thinking about this too much is going to tear him in two, so he pulls Hawk into a kiss. He's feeling too much to take it slow, and hell, they're both naked, so he doesn't try, just dives in and gives and takes everything he can.

Hawk makes a desperate noise and tugs hard on his hair, and when BJ starts to kiss his way down Hawk's body, both the noises and the tugging escalate. It's hot - it's  _really_  fucking hot - and it helps, it makes BJ more confident, because Hawk wants him so much, and the arousal coiling in BJ's belly is almost enough to quell his fluttering nerves.

He's still a bit scared when he reaches Hawk's crotch. He wants and doesn't want, he's excited and scared and out-of-his-mind turned on, and his brain might simply implode if he has any more emotions, if he thinks about this at all. He presses his cheek to Hawk's erection, rubs against it. It's hot, and hard, and yet somehow so vulnerable, and the first time he kisses it, it's not because it's a cock, it's not even because it's Hawkeye's cock, but because it's so fragile and beautiful.

Then Hawk whines his name and yanks on his hair, and fuck, that's  _hot_.

Kissing becomes licking and sucking and tasting, and he wants it all, wants everything. It's weird, different, new,  _wonderful_. He licks little circles over the head, and his sense of triumph when Hawkeye shudders and whimpers and begs is almost overwhelming.

He doesn't think he can take Hawkeye's whole cock, and he doesn't want to risk failing, but he does everything else he can think of, kissing the length of it, licking up the precum, sucking Hawk's balls into his mouth, and all the time stroking everything he can reach.

The noises Hawk makes, the look on his face when BJ glances up -  _fuck_. BJ wasn't ready for this at all.

Hawkeye is a wreck, bucking and gasping, unable to stop himself from running off at the mouth. "Oh God, Beej. Oh God. Oh, look at you, you're amazing. You look gorgeous with your mouth on my cock, I should draw you like this, exactly like this." He combs his fingers through BJ's hair. "Just... oh Beej, you're beautiful." He shakes his head.

BJ has to close his eyes. He's definitely (frighteningly, rapidly) falling in love here, and Hawk's expression is not helping - or maybe is helping too much.

Hawk keeps crooning endearments and encouragement, and BJ can't figure out if he wants Hawk to stop or wants him to keep talking forever. It does things to BJ, makes his heart beat even faster, makes him want to stop sucking on Hawk's cock so he can say 'I love you, okay, I love you', even though he's sure it would freak Hawk out and send him running. So instead he keeps on kissing and licking, trying to somehow communicate with actions instead of words.

He doesn't realise he's crying till Hawk grabs his face, holds him still, and wipes at his cheeks. Hawk's cock slips out of his mouth.

"Did I- did I hurt you?" Hawk whispers, aghast, eyes wild.

"No! No." BJ nuzzles Hawk's cock, kisses it softly. "You didn't hurt me," he manages. "I just-"  _I'm falling in love with you and I'm terrified_. "It's okay."  _I love you_. "I really want to do this."

"Beej-"

BJ covers Hawk's hands with his own and licks Hawk's cock. "Let me," he whispers between tastes, "please let me do this for you, Hawk."

"Beej," Hawk says again, but he can't get his words out right with BJ's tongue on him. "Beej, what's- fuck- what's wrong, Beej?"

BJ takes the head of Hawk's cock into his mouth again, laps at it, sucks, moans out his enjoyment.

"Oh God, Beej. Not fair," Hawk manages, "really not fair." He's almost laughing.

BJ grins around Hawk's cock, trying to look reassuring, because he  _is_  enjoying this, he  _does_  want to do it, and he's certain anything Hawk's worrying about is a thousand miles from the real reason he's all emotional.

He finds Hawk's frenulum with his tongue as he keeps sucking, caressing Hawk's shaft and balls with his hands as he does so. It seems to work - it definitely distracts Hawk from his concern.

"That's it," he groans, "oh God, right there. Oh fuck, Beej, oh fuck, oh  _fuck_ , don't stop, don't stop, don't-"

BJ keeps doing what he's doing, lets his eyes close again (and he knows it, this time, when they betray him, tears running down his cheeks), concentrates on how Hawk feels and tastes, on keeping him incoherent, and it takes hardly any more time for Hawk to twist his hands tighter into BJ's hair and swear as he comes.

There's so much come, and it tastes so much stronger than BJ expected, but he swallows it down, shameless and needy, because it's the evidence of how he made Hawk fall apart, and he fucking  _loves_  Hawk, and it's strangely reassuring to have his mouth full of it.

Hawk shudders and shakes, and he pulls on BJ's hair again, tugs him up and into a kiss, deep and hard. BJ wonders if Hawk has the same reaction he did to tasting himself in Hawk's mouth, but he's too busy kissing and being kissed to ask.

Eventually they come up for air, and when BJ opens his eyes again, Hawk's studying his face, warm, concerned. Hawk wipes at his cheeks. "What upset you?"

BJ shakes his head. "Not upset. Just... overwhelmed." Well, it's sort of true. "I loved making you lose it like that."  _Because I love_ you _, you clueless idiot_.

"You sure?"

He chuckles and grinds against Hawk's thigh. "I have material evidence for you to inspect if you won't take my word for it."

That gets him a laugh in return. "I'd be even more of a fool if I refused an offer like that," Hawk says, as he slides his hand down BJ's body, then, "oh fuck, Beej. You really enjoyed that, you dirty fucker."

It's BJ's turn to laugh. "Believe me now?"

"Jesus, I love your cock, do you know that?"

BJ stops dead for a second, because Hawk saying the L word about him, even just about his body, hits him hard in the chest, and for a moment he can't breathe, can't think.  _Fuck_. Damn, why does he have to be so weak for this man? It's not fair. He collects himself as fast as he can. "I had kind of noticed, yeah," he manages.

Hawk gives him an odd look, and BJ digs up a smile. He's almost certain Hawk wouldn't deal well with realising his sophomore lover is falling (has fallen) in love with him. Hawk doesn't do complicated or committed or long-term or exclusive. BJ knew that almost from the start, and he'll deal with it as long as he gets to keep this, just for a while, just a little longer, just as long as he can.

Judging by Hawk's expression, the smile isn't convincing, but he keeps stroking BJ's cock, and of all the things that distract Hawkeye Pierce (of which there are many), sex is by far the most effective. BJ rocks into Hawk's hand and pulls him into a kiss, and maybe there are tears pricking his eyes again, but Hawk doesn't need to know that if BJ can keep a hold of himself.

"Beej?" Hawk murmurs against his lips.

"Mmhm?"

"I want... God. Beej, I really want you."

"You've got me."  _More than you know_.

"No, I mean..." He peers up, a little shy, a little coy. "Beej, I want you inside me. God, Beej, I want you to fuck me till I can't even  _think_ , Beej, please."

BJ swallows hard. Hawk's been talking about this since the first time they ever slept together - never pressuring him, never trying to push him further than he's willing to go, but Hawk's always been upfront about how much he'd like BJ to fuck him.

It's always been theoretical, something Hawk mentions as that thing we should do eventually, as 'too bad I want to suck you off so bad, or I'd ride you instead', as a thing that will definitely happen, one day.

Now, though, Hawk's looking at him with dark eyes and open mouth and a pleading expression. "Beej, I need you. Please, I want you so bad."

"But... you already came... you're, uh..." BJ shrugs. "Well, soft. I mean... don't you want to, you know, wait?"

"Doesn't matter. Don't need to be hard to enjoy it. Even to come. Just... God, Beej, please, I really want you."

"Don't you need to, uh... clean up, or...?" It's so painfully obvious BJ has no idea what he's talking about, he half-expects Hawk to think better of this.

Hawk just laughs. "Beej, you sweet, sweet man. I always make sure I'm as clean as a whistle when you're staying over. I was never a Boy Scout, but they have a point with that 'be prepared' schtick."

So far, BJ has a terrible track record of refusing Hawkeye Pierce anything whatsoever. And he's terrified, because he's never done anything like this before, and he's afraid of hurting Hawk, or messing up... and maybe a bit scared that this is what Hawk's been after since the start, and as soon as he gets what he wants, he'll be done with BJ.

But oh God, the thought of being inside Hawkeye. Of how much Hawk wants this, how desperate he is for it.

"Okay," BJ says, "okay," before he can stop himself. He doesn't know how to say no to Hawkeye. He's not sure he even wants to learn.

Hawk's face lights up with delight and excitement, like a kid who got exactly what he wanted most for his birthday. "You won't regret this," he says, and BJ hopes like hell he's right.

Hawk has supplies to hand (of course), and before BJ can even think, Hawk's spread his legs and is fingering himself, making filthy noises that BJ feels all over his skin. A finger in a lube-covered condom doesn't seem like it should be so exciting, but Hawk's reaction is really fucking hot.

"Fuck, Beej. God, I wanted you from the start," he says, trailing his free hand over BJ's chest. "I can't believe it's finally happening."

Neither can BJ, but he's too scared and overwhelmed and turned on to talk about it.

"Every time I see you, I want you more," Hawk murmurs, and touches BJ's face like he doesn't expect it to be real. "What are you doing to me, BJ Hunnicutt? I want you so much, God, I  _need_  you. How do you do that?"

BJ can't reply, he can only listen and watch in wonder.

When Hawk adds even more lube, BJ shakes his head. "You should buy in bulk, Hawk," he says drily. (He's kind of impressed with himself. He sounds far more together than he feels). "You'd save a fortune."

Hawk laughs. "It's been a while for me, and you're new to this. There's no such thing as too much lube right now."

"I'll take your word for it."

Hawk stares at him for a moment. "You shouldn't," he says, voice suddenly much lower and huskier. "You should feel for yourself."

"What?"

"I'd like your fingers inside me almost as much as I want your cock."

BJ's mouth has gone dry. "I couldn't, I - I've never done this before."  _I might hurt you, and I couldn't bear that_.

"Oh God, Beej, how are you so adorable?" Hawk shakes his head. "Okay, so do it with me," he says. "I'll show you how. Learn by doing, isn't that what they'll expect come med school?"

"But Hawk, I-"  _I'm really scared_.

Hawk grabs his hand and kisses it. "I won't let you hurt me, Beej. It's okay. I promise." He smiles. "Don't get me wrong, I could do this all myself, I just really want you to do it with me. Please."

BJ's a sucker for that smile. "All right," he whispers.

Hawk guides him with words and gentle tugs until his finger is in Hawk's ass too, feeling the heat of him through the rubber, and it's kind of weird because it's  _Hawk's_   _ass_ , but it's also kind of incredible to be inside him this way, moving in tandem.

"God, yes," Hawk says, "that's it. Fuck." He strokes BJ's cheek again, and BJ kisses Hawk's fingers when Hawk touches his lip because he can't help himself.

Hawk's ass is so tight, BJ doesn't understand how it's even possible to fuck him, but the noises spilling out of Hawk's mouth suggest it's worth the effort. He definitely knows what he's doing, that much is obvious; BJ would be scared to figure this out himself, but Hawk is making it easy, and every time his eyes flutter closed or he moans, BJ gets more excited.

"'Nother finger," Hawk whispers, "need more, Beej."

It takes a moment for BJ to understand, and he almost baulks, but a strained 'please' is impossible to resist. It's even tighter with three fingers, but Hawk moans, then it's easing up, and Hawk has a look of bliss on his face.

"God, Beej," he says, his voice so quiet and so satisfied, "can't believe it. Wanted you inside me for so long."

"Yeah?"

"So long. So much." Hawk captures BJ's mouth and it's soft and sweet, and BJ can't get his head around all the strange contradictions of this, how it can be so gentle and even romantic when they're fingering Hawk's ass open, how it can be so dirty and so loving at the same time.

Eventually, Hawk pulls their fingers out, disposes of the condom, then he's putting another on BJ's cock and lubing him up so quick, it's like he thinks BJ will refuse if he's given too long to think about it. As if BJ could say no to anything right now.

Hawk pushes him down on his back and grins at him. "Lie back and think of San Francisco," he says, and BJ can't help laughing.

"Idiot. Like I can think of anything else when you're all... naked, Hawk."

Hawk grins even wider. "Oh really?"

BJ rolls his eyes. "Take my word for it."

That gets him a truly brilliant smile as Hawk puts one hand on BJ's chest and guides himself down on BJ's cock with the other. Then the smile falls away and is replaced by a look of wide-eyed wonder. "Jesus," he says, "fucking... God, Beej, you're amazing."

BJ doesn't know how to respond.

This is... different and strange, even stranger than giving head; it definitely feels good, but being inside another man - being inside  _Hawkeye_  - is doing weird things to BJ's head and heart alike. It's a heady sensation, it's like he's gotten high and drunk and had an orgasm all at the same time, and he can't think straight. All he can do is watch Hawk slide down, watch him and feel him as he takes BJ deeper and deeper.  _Glorious_. If he could, he'd tell Hawk how incredible he looks and feels, but with his emotions floating so close to the surface, maybe it's a good thing he can't.

" _Fuck_ ," Hawk says, when BJ's all the way inside him. "Fuck, Beej, you feel unbelievable."

BJ can't offer more than a groan in response.

Hawk leans down and kisses him, then pulls till they're lying facing each other.

"Okay?"

BJ nods.

Hawk rocks his hips and wiggles his ass. "Oh God, Beej," he whispers, "you have the most amazing cock."

BJ chuckles despite himself. Hawk, thank God, giggles right back.

"I can't help it!" he exclaims through his laughter. "If you had your cock inside you, you'd know what I meant!"

The mental image that conjures up makes BJ laugh even harder, and even as instinct takes over, as they start to move together, they both fail to stifle their amusement.

"You're an idiot," BJ whispers.

"You're the one who's sleeping with me."

"Well you have a nice cock, too. Even if it's asleep."

Hawk grins and nips at BJ's cheekbone. "Aren't you glad my backside isn't?"

They grin stupidly at each other, then they're kissing again, and fucking, and it's... amazing.

BJ imagined that when they did this, it would be hot and hard and furious, but instead it's gentle and warm and full of laughter. He hopes Hawk will live up to his promise one day, and ride BJ so hard he screams, but this is... it's like lovemaking, it's beautiful, and he's half afraid he might cry again if he doesn't get a grip, and half so caught up in it he doesn't want it to ever end, and doesn't even care if he makes a fool of himself.

The tension builds till he can only just breathe, and he pulls away from Hawk's mouth and they wrap their arms around each other, and BJ presses his face into Hawk's neck. He can hardly cope. Hawkeye's panting in his ear, letting out aching little moans and sighs, whispering 'fuck' and 'oh my God' and 'oh, Beej', and BJ knows, he just  _knows_  he's going to fall apart, and his only hope is that Hawk will be too far gone to realise.

After an eternity that's much too short, Hawk shudders and breaks and cries out. He's so  _loud_. It's all too much for BJ to take, and they come together, gasping, shaking, and holding each other so tightly it hurts.

"Fuck," BJ manages eventually, his voice wobbling.

Hawk doesn't speak, just curls into BJ's chest and digs his fingers into BJ's back. BJ buries his face in Hawk's hair and hopes it's not obvious his body's shaking not just from the aftermath of his orgasm, but also because he's crying and can't seem to stop.

Eventually he manages to steady his breathing and blink back the worst of his tears. He's such a mess, a ball of ridiculous fucking emotions, and it's really not fair. He didn't mean to end up in bed with someone like Hawkeye barely a fortnight into his first semester, with someone he should've had the sense to keep at arm's length, but ending up in love with him is so absurd and stupid. This is not what he signed on for, but all he can do is hold on tight, because his heart is fully entangled and there's nothing for it but to get through this as best he can.

"Beej, you okay?" Hawk asks eventually.

BJ nods and kisses Hawk's forehead, hoping Hawk will let it go, won't expect anything else, and is enormously relieved when Hawk snuggles in closer and sighs.

They need to move - they desperately need to at least wipe down with a couple of washcloths, get rid of the sweat and lube and other detritus - but there's no way BJ will do or say anything that means this moment ends.

He's not sure what he's supposed to do, whether it's okay he's still inside Hawkeye - so much of this has been so different to what he's used to, and he hasn't a clue how to ask - so he's rather relieved when Hawk eventually sighs again and pulls slowly away from him, though there's also a profound sense of loss at not being so intimately joined anymore. Hawk cleans them both up and disposes of the condom, and he does it all so carefully and gently. Then he slips back into BJ's embrace and tangles their legs together, and BJ's startled at how comfortable it is.

"Beej?"

"Mmhm?"

"You okay?" Hawk asks again.

BJ can't help laughing. He's feeling a lot of things, but okay is... inaccurate. Sated and overwhelmed and scared and stupidly in love? Sure. Okay? Yeah, not so much. It's not exactly a feeling he can explain, though, not without telling Hawk more than he's comfortable with - more than he thinks Hawk would want to know.

"I'm all right," he whispers. "I'm... I'm okay." It's neither exactly the truth nor exactly a lie, and he doesn't have a better way of putting it. He has Hawkeye Pierce naked and freshly fucked in his arms; he may not be okay, but he's close enough for jazz.

Hawk kisses his throat, and BJ feels him smile, then he's snuggling in still closer, stroking BJ's shoulders and tracing the line of his spine. "My Beej," Hawk whispers, as he runs his fingers lightly up and down BJ's neck.

BJ takes a ragged breath. He daren't speak - he knows that if he tries, he'll either sob or he'll pour his heart out (maybe both), but that will send Hawk running for the hills, and BJ's not nearly ready for this to be over. He closes his eyes and kisses Hawk's forehead, and tells himself to enjoy the moment.

He wishes it was as easy to do as to say.

_~ fin ~_


End file.
